Perfect Happiness
by MissKitty28
Summary: Cas understood what his deal with the Empty really meant the moment its consequences came to hit him in the face like a boomerang. (Destiel - season 14)


**Notes:** Before reading, be aware of the fact that there might be SPOILERS about the end of season 14, especially regarding the return of a specific character in the finale (at first, I actually just made an assumption, because I hadn't read anything about it).

I'm French and this is the first time I'm writing in English :) (I translated some of my stories in the past, but never actually wrote in English). I'm open to feedbacks, including if there are mistakes you wanna point out, I'm all for progress :D

I hope you'll enjoy it, thank you for giving it a chance :D Please, feel free to let me know what you think.

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Cas understood what his deal with the Empty really meant the moment its consequences came to hit him in the face like a boomerang. He hadn't seen it coming. He realized that from the very first minute, he had misunderstood what it truly was about. Not that he had forgotten its terms.

For sure, things had gotten better. Things with Jack weren't quite right yet, but the situation had improved faster with the help of Chuck. It had taken some time, but Dean and Sam were moving forward. Missing their mom was a feeling that would probably never go away, but knowing that Mary was in a good place, a happy one, considerably helped. Life in the bunker had progressively found again a semblance of normalcy —as normal as it could get for the Winchester family.

When Cas left for a case with Dean that night, he hadn't realized that it would be a game changer. Things between them had stayed tense since they had been fighting over Jack's fate a few weeks back, and even if Dean had definitely reassessed his judgment, the opportunity to have a real talk about what had happened since then never presented itself. The Winchester had needed some time and space, from everyone, and Cas had understood that.

Despite everything, the angel quickly realized that Dean had still some anger left in him and that's only when they actually talked about it that he truly realized what it was about. He didn't know how —Jack probably, or Chuck, maybe— but Dean had learned about his deal with the Empty, without further details. He wanted to tell him that given the terms, it wasn't going to happen any time soon, but Dean had reacted the way expected, and he didn't get a chance to do so.

"How long do you get? A year? Ten?" The Winchester's voice was filled with uncovered despair. "You're always down with self-sacrifice, that's just…" Dean interrupted himself, turning his back to the angel, feeling incapable of saying more. He felt like, once again, everything was about to fall apart.

"Look who's talking!" the angel said in a defensive voice.

"That's not the same, you -you had a choice."

"Oh, really?" Cas replied in a tone of protest. "The Empty was going to take Jack. It didn't look like I had."

Dean looked resigned. "Yeah, and see where it led us, great job…"

"I know things didn't work out the way they should have, but Jack is a good kid! I saw it, YOU saw it," Cas insisted. "He sacrificed his soul to save us, this is only fair that we help him now. How can you _not_ see that?! I did so many bad choices in the past. You and Sam too. He deserves a second chance."

"I know that…" Dean had let slip these words in a low voice. He knew he wasn't fair neither to Cas, nor Jack. At this point, he was just feeling angry and needed to let it out.

"You want to come after me for not telling you about my doubts? FINE. Do that," Cas said. "But don't come after him for something he can't be held responsible for. We all knew. We just pretended we didn't."

"I'm mad because you left and didn't tell me the truth," the Winchester finally snapped. "You woke me up that morning, you told me you were leaving, but never mentioned why. Always down with the lies, the secrets, the big picture agenda, and I am sick of it, Cas! And now, I had to discover by myself that you made a fucking deal with the Empty?!"

Cas looked down, incapable of bearing the hurt in Dean's eyes.

"I'm not blaming you, I'm just telling you that I need you to be honest with me because I love you!" he yelled in an angry voice.

The words came as a surprise to Dean as much as they did to Cas. He didn't know the conversation would lead them there, but he realized he was glad it did. The angel was staring back at the Winchester, his mouth half opened. He looked deeply affected.

"Yeah, I love you," Dean said again, caught in the moment, "and I'm sick of being worried all the time. I want something better for us."

A beat. For a moment, they were left intensely looking at each other, the heat of their fight provisionally discarded.

"I know, we're family," Cas finally said in a stunned voice, having a hard time to swallow. He was missing the point, too busy trying to contain his emotion. "We need to get better at this. Communicate."

Dean looked uncertain. "Yeah… but I don't think you really heard me, Cas."

The Winchester felt that he was shaking, but tried to control his reactions. He couldn't back down. Not now.

"I'm not talking about family. I'm talking about **_us_**."

Cas took a moment to process what Dean was trying to say. He didn't dare to believe it, but Dean was breathing heavily now, and everything was pointing in that direction. The angel's heart was pounding really fast in his chest. It left him speechless for a few seconds.

"What- what are you saying?" Cas finally asked.

"What does it look like?" he said softly. He was one step closer now. "I'm tired of fighting, Cas. I'm tired of pretending. I'm just saying… I wanna talk to you, and I want you to talk to me. Because I care. _So_ much," he finally let out in despair.

He didn't dare to say the words again.

"But you keep leaving and hiding things from me. And I- I don't know…" he was hesitant. "Don't make me regret doing _this_. Please, don't," he almost begged.

Cas took another step, getting closer to the Winchester. He was on the verge of tears, but wasn't going to let them out before getting a chance to tell him how he felt.

"You -you're afraid I'm gonna push you away?" He tilted his head, looking incredulous. "Ishim once called you my weakness, and out of all the horrible things he said, this one thing was true. You want honesty? I'm not running away from you, if that's what you think. I'm afraid of not being worthy, I'm afraid of putting another burden on your shoulders. But… not once did I mean to get away from you or lie to you -for that matter. I was mostly afraid, and often feeling out of place. I never-… don't you dare to believe for one second that I'm not feeling the same way," Cas finally said, openly touched.

He stopped talking for a few seconds, and slowly shook his head.

"We had so many things going on, you and I, and I never wanted my feelings to be a burden. I never had the courage to believe -not even once- that you'd feel the same way. Because the truth is that I always loved you, Dean."

A beat.

"Not just as a best friend, or as an angel and its protege," he added. "I always loved _**you**_."

The sincerity and the emotion in his voice were clearly palpable. At this point, Dean was shaken, speechless. They were now standing really close to each other, staring into each other's eyes, anticipating their next move.

The kiss had happened faster than expected. It was hesitant at first, their faces growing closer together at a slow pace. Dean's lips had softly brushed Cas' before they finally embraced the moment. When they had reached each other's lips, Dean had felt that he was doing the right thing. He didn't have to pretend anymore. His life had been a show in which he had played the main role, and that was now coming to an end.

Cas had experienced many human feelings since he fell on earth. But even as a human, none of them were comparable to this one. He had butterflies in his stomach, and was loving every second of the emotions and sensations that were running through him. His hand tenderly reached Dean's cheek, and at this moment, everything felt so right.

And that, was the story of how the Empty had come to claim his due.

Cas had let himself be happy. He had forgotten.

When he fell on the ground, Dean's heart skipped a beat. "CAS?!"

He tried to hold the angel back and ended up devastated when he realized that he was dead. Under shock, he was incapable of doing anything but kneel next to him, feeling that everything was taken away from him —again. A feeling of despair he had already experienced way too recently came to hit him really hard, and he looked around them, trying to understand what had happened.

"_I told you, Castiel_," the Empty had said when it came for the angel. _"I know who you love, and what you fear._

_I was always meant to come the moment you'd stop being afraid, the moment you'd let yourself be happy._

_Congratulations._

_You succeeded."_


End file.
